::Let Me Clear My Throat::

So yeah...that life sucking monster I was with? Adios, Grande. Have you ever had that moment where everything just clicks and makes sense, and your path is completely clear? I had one of those yesterday. It was bizarre. Grande and I have "broken up" about a hundred times, and each time, it ripped me apart at the seams and I couldn't imagine anything that would hurt more than I did at those moments. I would cry and plead and make promises just so he would come home, basically stripping myself of any pride and dignity I may have had left. The idea of him moving on was like having a hot branding iron pressed to my heart, I just couldn't bear the thought... I didn't have any of that yesterday. I don't have any of that now that the anger has more or less melted away. I don't have anything now but hope for the future, and comfort in being able to breathe freely again. Don't get me wrong, I'm hurt-to the core. You spend 4 years with someone and they kn

So we decided last week to throw a little dinner thing for family and friends this evening, to celebrate both my big 3-1 and Christmas. We had a hodgepodge of people, from my parents and siblings to our artsy-fartsy friends. Dinner was delish and we had a great turnout, and everyone seemed to have a nice time, even me...for the most part. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the one that's crazy. Was it selfish of me to ask him to put a lid on his drinking after, say, his 9th straight hour? (Yes, I said "9th".) Was I uptight for asking? I didn't ask for anything else today, just for him to stay somewhat sober so I could feel free to get a little loose, which is a rare occasion around here. Apparently it was like asking him to castrate himself in front of an audience, because I got the same incredulous, "oh no you di'int" expression as I would have if I did. Was it wrong of me to want something just for me, just one day out of the year? {Ok, if your an

It's officially my 31st birthday now that it's 1am. Happy 31st to...um, me. It was a tough road going from 30 to 31. My "year in review" isn't much to rave about; actually I wish I could erase it all and start over. Anyone have a really big pencil? Haha. Ok, cat's outta the bag, I'm corny. May as well get that out in the open first. I also drip with sarcasm most of the time, I have a sharp, dry kinda wit you usually find in older men, and I like to say that I refuse to take any shit from anyone, but I usually end up taking ALOT of shit, as you will soon find out in this blog....hence, the reason I'm here. (Wow, I just said 'hence'. I am old. Fuck!) I debated whether or not to just cut and paste my own personal non-blog on here and give you that for a backstory, but decided to start fresh and try to pack 4 years of backstory into one entry...Note that I said "try"....I will do my best not to bore you all to suicide, I promise. Ok q