Sins Of The Mother

I make it a point, everyday, no matter how irritated I am with them, to tell my children I love them, my daughter especially. I also make it a point to let my daughter know she is beautiful, worthy, and special, and that she shouldn't allow anyone to make her feel less than that, not even ME.  I will never claim to be June fucking Cleaver, but this is one thing that I know I do right, because I know how horrible it feels to not have it at all.

My mother and I have never had a typical relaysh.  We never had the normal, mother/daughter dynamic, something I see and am horrified at now that I have a daughter myself.  Sparing all the gory details, I'll sum it up the best I can.  Moms was an addict for a lot of my life, and the "being a parent" thing never came naturally to her, so unfortunately most of the responsibility fell on my shoulders, something for which I still have resentment issues with her.  Praise was not something I heard often, unless it was a personal favor to her, or unless she was tweaked, in which case, it didn't count anyway. I remember only one time in my entire life her telling me I was pretty, and it was in the most roundabout, backhanded way imaginable that I'm not even sure it was really a compliment.  Whatever the case, she lacked in so many ways at making me feel like I was a worthy person, and she made up for it by breaking me down every chance she got.  Unfortunately that cycle still continues today, and she found one hell of a scab to pick: My weight.
  I should mention that my mother has never had a weight problem.  She's fluctuated within 10-15lbs of her normal weight her entire life, with most of the yo-yo-ing being directly related to drug use.  I should also mention that most of my relatives had weight issues themselves, so it's not like I'm the first one. Unfortunately genes are a bitch, and she just happened to be lucky and it skipped her.  I'm not excusing my issue or blaming everything on DNA, but it does play a role.  I have my father's large frame, my grandmother's bosom, and my grandfather's midsection-I'm a damn puzzle full of shitty parts, and unfortunately some of this was inevitable. Someone please tell me what kind of mother picks her own child's biggest weakness and uses it as ammunition to "win" an argument?  Does she really need to mention that it 'would take three of her to fit' into a pair of my pants?  Are comments like that really necessary? That's not motivation for me to lose the weight, that's just more reason for me to self medicate with food. Unfortunately that wasn't the first time she's dropped some shit on me like this, and I'm sure it won't be the last.  It was just another entry into a looong line of shitty comments she's been dropping on me since I hit high school.  I could tell you some stories that would make you cry, but I'm sure you get the idea.
  A weight problem skipped her, so she feels she has the right to be critical, having never been in my shoes.  Apparently sensitivity, empathy and tact have also sailed directly over her head, and maybe that's why I feel like I have a double dose of them all.  You would think with everything else she fucked up on, she could at least try to leave one thing unscathed, but evidently it's not on her radar.  I could never imagine dragging my own child through the mud this way, and frankly it sickens me that she thinks it's ok.  You know what tho?  I consider myself a fucking superstar.  I grew up with the most dysfunctional parents a kid could EVER have (just wait til I tell you about dear ol' dad), and I still turned out ok.  A little fucked up emotionally, but with my life who wouldn't be?  I managed to raise MYSELF and learn who NOT to be, and turned out the way I did not because of her, but despite her.  God strike me DEAD if I ever lose sight of that and repeat her mistakes with my own children.