Tortoise

Life has been pretty beige lately, which explains my absence. Before this, my only real source of stimulation had been my daughter's imminent cardiac surgery. Now that it's over and the dust has settled, I'm pretty much out of gas and just coasting along. (And yes, she is recovering very well.)
It's been pointed out to me on more than one occasion that I haven't been very social lately. I'm not depressed, I feel OK, my job is good, my bills are paid, I've just been a homebody. I don't have the desire to get dressed up and go out and be all "woo girl", or worse, a third wheel with all of my coupled up friends. I have plans to go to a football game in the opponents city in two weeks. My friends are excited to party in a new city the night before... I'm excited for the game. I'm over partying. And after a string of really bad dates/quasi relationships, I'm over attempting to put myself on that path again. I predicted this would happen and it has: I've completely retreated into my shell, this time so far into it that I'm surprised I can still breathe. It's safer in here. It allows me to stay away from the stuff that will ultimately knock me down again, and I've already had my tits in the dirt more than my share of times. I'm good not taking risks, they don't pan out well for me in the short run anyway.
I'm aware that, doing this and living this way, things will always pretty much be beige, and part of me hates that. It's lonely, it gets boring. But I'd rather be beige than be the pathetic single fat chick at the bar or the odd man out with my married friends. I look stupid in both scenarios, and it's easier to avoid them altogether. I get the "you won't meet anyone staying at home" line, and my rebuttal? I wouldn't meet anyone out, either. At least not someone who actually wanted to get to know me. Been there, tried that.
I'm just gonna live the quiet life. I'm not gonna turn into the crazy cat lady, because 1) I'm allergic, and 2)Ew. Maybe I'll hole myself up and be a writer, complete with the bad hair, glasses and agoraphobia.
#lifeplan

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

En Recuerdo

Thug Lyfe

A Queen, a Knight & a Joker Walk Into a Bar...