::Let Me Clear My Throat::

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.                                               -Matthew 5:8  I am not a Bible Beater.  Although I am a baptized Catholic, I wasn't brought up with any real formal religion unless you count a few years of Sunday School. I admitedly know nothing about the contents of the Good Book other than the basics and a few select verses, including this one. I stumbled upon this  a few years back, and it resonated with me more than anything else I had read up until that point.  My take on the Bible is that it's subject to reader interperetation, so I took this message and ran with it the way that I saw it.  I vowed to be "pure in heart"; to be kind, loving, pure in my intentions and have no hate in my heart.  I reaffirmed that tho I am not without sin, I have always been a good person, and for that, God would show Himself to me in the form of changing my life for the better.  Sort of like Karma-put good in, get good out.    

Depression is a dirty motherfucker.  It's low down and sneaky, shady, waiting in the wings to pounce, only needing an opening.  Worse than an infection, it's an affliction, a dormant virus, flaring up just when you thought you finally had it licked for good.  It's a hole in my world, and it's swallowed me up yet again.  This time the apathy that comes with it makes me not give a shit about crawling out, or much else.   For the last couple months, I've literally been rolling through life on auto pilot, living the same routine day after day.  I wake up, go through the motions, and go to bed, and the cycle repeats, and it's all gray. I am merely a body these days, just existing, most of my emotions in a flatlined state.  On the rare occasions that any sort of emotional spike occurs, it hits me like a battering ram, whether its anger or sadness, or on very rare occasions, short lived happiness. Those times make me feel like I've completely lost control of my ow