Setback

I probably don't have the right to mourn the loss of someone that was never really mine to begin with. What's right and logical, however, doesn't always translate into what's real. The sadness I feel over him is so strong it's kind of shocking. Things ended just about as fast as they began, but within that small time period, he took a piece of me that he didn't deserve, and the loss is so tangible. I just.. I wanted what he was offering so bad. It was literally everything I've ever said I wanted here, right in front of me for the taking, and I went all carpe diem and jumped. As soon as I landed in something soft, the bottom opened up and dropped me on the ground, hard. It's not just a matter of 'Aw man I'm single again'.. I was finally becoming resigned to the fact. Honestly, it was just him. Him that I wanted, and him that I hated losing. His words and actions meant everything, and finding out none of it was true was more devastating than I hoped it would be.
I tried shaking it off last night, had Flaco in my bed, just for the company.. That man is so special to me. But even with him next to me, and all the comforts that come with him, I wished he was someone else in particular.  I didn't deserve Flaco and all his amazing.
Is it possible to fall for someone that fast? Why would it hurt so bad if there wasn't real feelings involved? It's actually palpable, like it was a real break up.  I got a taste of everything I wanted, and then it was snatched from me when I blinked. Keeping me blissfully ignorant would have been better than giving me a something I wanted but couldn't keep for myself...

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