Yeah, Ok.

Once again, I'm left ass out looking like a fool, and I'm not entirely sure what happened.
We had two amazing dates, the second better than the first.  Lots of smiling, kissing, laughing..he held my hand while we drove. He met the family- hugged my mom, sat and had an actual conversation with my kids for over an hour. Told me he couldn't wait to see me again as he was kissing me goodbye. We were on track, heading towards something awesome.  I was like a shaken bottle of champagne.

Then it just...stopped.

Our conversations over the weekend were slim to none.  He barely said 5 sentences to me, and that was only after I reached out to him.  I tried calling him last night, and of course, he didn't answer, nor did he make any moves to return my call or text me to say he was busy. He texted me this morning with a simple 'How are you'.  When I mentioned my call the night before, I tried to open things up, letting him know I was just hoping to hear his voice. Ordinarily when someone says that to you, it's a really sweet fucking gesture that hints that you're missed, and you should reply accordingly.  Instead I got one word- 'Soon.'. What the fuck? How does someone respond to that?

Twenty minutes later, I couldn't take anymore, so I tapped out an 'are we cool?' message just to see where we stood.  I wanted to make sure I hadn't possibly done something to offend him, or at the very least, give him the floor if he needed an out.  At press time, it's now been about 5 hours since it was sent, and my message is still just hanging there. Guess I got my answer.

I um...I'm pretty well crushed, if I'm being honest.  This isn't a 'cry about being single again' thing either.  I had real feelings for this one, and it scares me a little how much it hurts.  He pulled at something in me that I forgot was there, that I forgot how to use, and I allowed myself to just feel everything for a change...it was nice.  I felt like I could breathe again. Now, old wounds have been torn open, ones that I closed up a long time ago, and I'm feeling pretty fucking rough.

There is no way that I can ever do this again. My heart can't take anymore. I fell, he didn't catch me- story of my life.  Evidently I'm not worth catching..time to hang it up while I still have a tiny shred of dignity.

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