Posts

Showing posts from December, 2014

Sour Grapes

Image
It sucks to still be pathetically single. It sucks worse to be bombarded by friends getting engaged all around you. In one day, five couples I know have gotten engaged.  FIVE. In one day.  Including my ex, for the second time.  Meanwhile, a dude I dont even like decided he doesn't even want me.  I am making a valiant effort to be happy for them. Some of them I actually don't have to fake.  Still doesn't make it suck any less that it's them and not me.  Doesn't make it suck less that I don't even have anyone on the radar to hope for.  I dont want to be this person. The bitter, lonely hag that begrudges everyone else's happiness, but my chances of that are slimming every single day. 

Setback

Image
I probably don't have the right to mourn the loss of someone that was never really mine to begin with. What's right and logical, however, doesn't always translate into what's real. The sadness I feel over him is so strong it's kind of shocking. Things ended just about as fast as they began, but within that small time period, he took a piece of me that he didn't deserve, and the loss is so tangible. I just.. I wanted what he was offering so bad. It was literally everything I've ever said I wanted here, right in front of me for the taking, and I went all carpe diem and jumped. As soon as I landed in something soft, the bottom opened up and dropped me on the ground, hard. It's not just a matter of 'Aw man I'm single again'.. I was finally becoming resigned to the fact. Honestly, it was just him. Him that I wanted, and him that I hated losing. His words and actions meant everything, and finding out none of it was true was more devastating than

Yeah, Ok.

Once again, I'm left ass out looking like a fool, and I'm not entirely sure what happened. We had two amazing dates, the second better than the first.  Lots of smiling, kissing, laughing..he held my hand while we drove. He met the family- hugged my mom, sat and had an actual conversation with my kids for over an hour. Told me he couldn't wait to see me again as he was kissing me goodbye. We were on track, heading towards something awesome.  I was like a shaken bottle of champagne. Then it just... stopped . Our conversations over the weekend were slim to none.  He barely said 5 sentences to me, and that was only after I reached out to him.  I tried calling him last night, and of course, he didn't answer, nor did he make any moves to return my call or text me to say he was busy. He texted me this morning with a simple 'How are you'.  When I mentioned my call the night before, I tried to open things up, letting him know I was just hoping to hear his voice. Or

Ring-a-ding Kid

I am in trouble. Massive, face down in a puddle, probably never the same again trouble. Early 2006 just caught me unawares and slapped me in the face so hard I am flipped completely inside out with no idea how to right myself again. This, of course, means a boy is involved. This isn't just any boy- this is a bona-fide Man.  The capital M was done on purpose, because that's what he deserves.  This is the man that, on our first date on that fateful day in 2006, held me so tightly and so close while he danced (danced!) with me that we nearly became one person.  This is the man who was first to brush my hair from my face, look directly into my eyes, and tell me I was beautiful. This was the man that made me feel everything a girl is supposed to feel for a boy and then some.  This is also the man, much to my own detriment, that I dropped like a hot potato when The Rams literally fell into my life.  The rest, as they say, is history.  Eight years and alot of bad decis